relationships
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
friendster, myspace, multiply, hi5, now facebook?
my roommate and my brother both use my accounts on these websites because they don’t wanna get their own… and i understand why. i’m not really into these find-your-friend websites. yet… i do have a friendster account cuz it was the first one and i thought it’d be nice to say hi to my friends that way.
then myspace turned out to be the better way to keep in touch with what my students were doing. plus i found so many old friends and classmates through it. i don’t even use my friendster account anymore.
then i joined multiply cuz my multiply was the easiest way to share photo albums.
then i found out all my friends from ecuador were on hi5, so of course i had to join that. i found my “hermanas” and my “primas” there - found out that one of them had kids, while the younger sisters are now done with high school. was it really that long ago?
now i’m getting requests from wrm (who remembers me?) and facebook.
but i really would rather have my friends find me by googling my name - i mean, this blog should be the first thing that shows up when you do that. plus, if i’m on myspace and multiply and hi5 then how much trouble can any one person have finding me?
but even though i’ve held off for this long and ignore the multiple requests form wrm and facebook, and as much as i don’t really like the entire genre of websites, i’m still grateful for all the friends i’ve lost throughout time that i’ve reconnected with thru these websites.
cuz let’s face it - i’m not the best person to keep in touch. in fact, i’m the person that gathers everyone’s email address then never emails anyone! i lose phone numbers, i don’t call many people and i was never good at being pen pals. brandy has called ecuador so many times and has even gone back to visit and i… well, i’m just happy i found their pages on hi5 so that i can see what my ecuadorian family is doing =)
so even though i don’t really wanna be part of those web communities, i’m so ever grateful for being able to find my friends again.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
this is me, disgusted
thank you, mandy, for making me laugh.
Sunday, March 18, 2007
i don't like you
i’ve told you straight to your face....
i don’t want to talk right now.
i don’t need to be called 3 times a day so you can hang out with me.
i don’t want to be called 3 times a day so you can try to get me to talk.
i would just like to be left alone, simply cuz i’m feeling particlarly un-social right now. maybe i would like you better if you could realize that about me and STOP calling me and STOP texting me.
and for you, which part of “i don’t like you” don’t you understand?
someone won’t leave me alone… and i don’t know what else to say to make it happen. other than post this and vent on my blog. just so i don’t end up yelling when i finally do talk…
the sad thing is, this applies to more than one person in my life....
Friday, March 02, 2007
i'm creating a new club!
such a great idea - why don’t we have a club full of the type of people that i like to hang out with! then even though my closest and dearest friends live far away, i would have a group of people with whom i could talk late into the night, philosophizing, theorizing, discussing (aka arguing a la merv), and making each other laugh.
funny thing is, there’s no way to create that. i’ve met people that are exactly those type of people but for some reason there’s no chemistry between us. and then again, i’ve met people who have fallen into that category the second i meet them (hi susan!).
even funnier, i know that even if i could make that club, i’d be the first one to ditch the meetings, sitting at the coffeehouse outside chilling and talking with my friends.
but wouldn’t it be so great??? =)
Saturday, April 22, 2006
so many thoughts...
i have a jumble of thoughts in my head, and i know they’re all inter-related, and so i’m assuming they are a string of thoughts… but where does this string start? or is it a big tangle of similar but unrelated events? how am i ever supposed to untangle this mess in my head?
who will help me talk it out?
Friday, December 30, 2005
to say hi, or not to say hi?
a few weeks ago, while hanging out with a bunch of friends, i found myself standing next to the friend of one of my friends. i’d seen this guy around all summer long and unfortunately, i still didn’t know his name. in an attempt to be friendly and take out the awkwardness of talking to someone whose name you don’t know, i said, “hey!” and then after he said hey back, i just said, “what’s your name again?” i explained that i’d seen him with one of my friends all summer long but that i couldn’t remember his name. friendly and harmless, right? well, a couple conversations later, he ended up asking if i have a boyfriend, so i told him i was seeing someone. later on, i was talking to kuya garry, and i related the story to him, and he pointed out - “but you started it!”, chastising me for being the one to approach him. apparently, because i asked him his name, i shouldn’t be surprised that he would think that i’m interested… i say whatever! i was being friendly! he asked a simple question (which i totally appreciate because some other guys will quote-on-quote-pursue you without ever making their intentions clear and then that woulda left me in an awkward situation with this guy being too friendly and i started it out by being friendly but how do you tell this guy “you’re being too friendly”!??!?! a guy who asks straight-up about relationships gives you the chance to say “yes” or “no” and that’s always appreciated. i’ve noticed that most adventist guys go the other way, the way i don’t like, so i’m really impressed that this guy in particular asked me.) and that conversation may have been slightly awkward but i think we both handled it okay.
anyways, moving forward another week… so then, it’s Christmas and i’m at my cousins’ house. i had slept over the night before and was woken up earlier than i’d’ve liked to get up so that i could start cooking my adobo. i wandered down to the kitchen in my pajamas sans shower and i started to make my food. i had just finished cooking when the guests started arriving, and i though, hmm… this is the time when i need to go upstairs and shower before i meet anyone! right then, my cousin came in the door and we started talking about important stuff, so i ended up staying downstairs to talk to him. a few minutes later this young filipino guy i don’t know came in the door, and kuya garry is there, saying hi to him. i’m still talking to my kuya ernest at the dining room table, so i just turn my head quickly, say “hi”, and then go back to my conversation. kuya garry and eugene end up sitting down at the table next to me and kuya ernest leaves the room, so i figure, it’s now time for me to shower. i leave the table and head upstairs and shower and change and get ready to meet all the guests, then i head back downstairs. i see the three guys still sitting at the table where i left them, and i joined them, continuing my conversation with my cousin. later on, after most of the people had gone home, kuya garry was like, “you didn’t talk to eugene!!” and i said, “i said hi” but no, i guess i didn’t talk to him. i included him in our poker game and invited him to play a second round, which he declined because he was playing taboo with my other cousins. but kuya garry said i shoulda been more friendly to him because he didn’t know anyone else there.
i was like, UM, NO. i mean, if i get in trouble for saying “what’s your name?” to a mutual friend, then why should kuya garry expect me to be the one to entertain this guy for the entire Christmas day. like i said, NO WAY! and then kuya garry said, yah, that’s true, but still, you coulda been friendlier. and then he admitted to using his daughter to befriend the guys who didn’t look like they talk to anyone at church. i’m thinking… hmmm… young, pretty, teenage daughter, and you’re sending her in to greet those guys without friends? making her show interest in someone who doesn’t talk to anyone else? and then he has the guts to blame me for being the one to ask the guy what his name is, when i’m just trying to be friendly!
so… i’m wondering.... how does a girl who is uninterested relationship-wise be friendly towards a guy she doesn’t know without sending the wrong signal? is that even a possibility? if i am the one to approach and say hi, have i already gone too far? should i wait there for him to say hi? i try to include all people, whether guy or girls, but i’m aware that my actions could be misleading. so… in an attempt to not mislead guys, i ask you, oh all-knowing internet, what do i do??!?
Sunday, December 18, 2005
the joys of filipino dating
when i was growing up, i remember watching all of my older cousins bring their dates around on Sabbath afternoons to family potluck. i would watch as my uncles and aunties would “conchow” and tease these girls. in fact, i remember my kuya chester, when he got engaged to ate gemma, dropped her off in a chair in front of my aunties/uncles, wished her good luck, and then took off with the guy cousins to hang out, and he just left her to fend for herself during her veritable interview into our family! it just seemed like a rite of passage that anyone who hangs out with our family is given a hard time, and you have to be able to hang with it or else we pretty much never saw you again, although that was probably cuz they were scared of us, cuz we accepted anyone in. in fact, the more we liked you, the more teasing you got. it was our special way of letting you know that we liked you =)
when i started dating, i remember the first time my friend (more accurately, my first boyfriend, pre-boyfriend stage...) came over during potluck to pick me up. he stayed for at least 20 minutes before we left, and i remember waiting during all those 20 minutes for my uncles to start their teasing… but it never came! i was so incredibly disappointed, especially cuz i had hyped it up before he came over, and told him to be prepared, and then… nothing! i wondered why they didn’t tease him… did they not like him? or perhaps… maybe i was just too young (my cousins are on average 15+ years older than me) and the novelty of scaring away potential in-laws had worn off. either way i remember waiting for the interrogation period to begin. it never really happened with any of my boyfriends.
i think i just figured out why it never happened.
see, i only remember our family grilling the girls who dated into the family, and i don’t remember the guys ever having to do that. since i’ve dated only guys… well… they never got the special treatment. i remember bringing friends home, like christina or ching or kat, and they were given a hard time. so my grand conclusion is that only girls get this treatment.
how’d i figure this out? well… being a girl dating a filipino guy, i was on the receiving end of this treatment today. nothing too harsh, no pressing interview like when you get into my family, but still - the aunties dragged me outta the room where all us “kids” were sitting and introduced me to all the aunties and told me that they were ‘his’ aunties, just like that, without saying his name, cuz they didn’t wanna specify who ‘he’ was. they asked me who i was and i gave the great filipino introduction that always makes me feel like i’m from the Bible times or the olden days of kings, queens, and lords - “i’m kimberly, daughter of ray and leni, granddaughter of pastor banaag. i come in peace” while they were all staring at me. that was pretty much it. i felt like a sheep or other barnyard animal because they were all assessing me and looking me over, they joked around with me for a little bit, and then they sent me on my way back to the herd, telling me to return back to the other room before anyone suspected what was up.
and silly me… because that’s how my family was, i knew how to handle myself while they were looking me over, and while it may have been slightly awkward, it made me feel totally at home.
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
i'm gettin' set in my ways
so this living alone thing… it isn’t that bad anymore. i think when i first moved into this apartment it drove me crazy to come home to an empty apartment knowing it would stay empty the rest of the night. this is the first time i’m living alone, y’know? i mean, i had a room all to myself in college in the honors dorm, but there were always people around and i hardly stayed in my room anyways, and even if i was there my door was wide open and i could talk to my friends down the hall. living in the other house i was home alone alot but shelia was always around, even if she was on call and at the hospital, and rita was home thurs-sun. but here, in my apartment now, i’m the only one here during the week. i can leave all my shtuff lying around if i want to, i can watch tv at whatever volume i want to, i can sleep out in the living room (and i do - my couch is so comfy!), and pretty much i have the run of the place. while only 4 months ago i didn’t like the thought of living alone, now, i can’t imagine having more roommates.
i was telling this to gary - that i’m getting used to this living single business - and he told me that as i grow older i’m just gonna get more set in my ways. and especially when talking relationships… where i’m not so young and hopeful as i might have once been =) hahaha… it’s true though, i think, that when people are younger, they have this grand idea of finding “the one” and making this perfect life together, whereas, someone who’s used to living alone and has been doing things their way a lot longer will be a little more reticent to change their ways. i guess what i mean (or at least what i understood gary to be telling me) is that it becomes less of finding the perfect person to meld with as it becomes more of a who-will-put-up-with-my-quirks, or even a who-will-i-put-up-with, since i’ve grown more picky. instead of who can i find to make the perfect life with, it becomes a who can i enjoy my time with that will let me be me.
i don’t think it’s necessarily that bad, either. i mean, if i can look at it realistically, then i’ll have less expectations and more chances of being happy. i mean, if i got into marriage when i was younger and more hopeful that we’d complete each other, i could’ve been horribly disappointed by now. but if i think, hey, here’s someone who’s company i can enjoy for the rest of my life, then that would be a much more realistic goal.
but then that’s an interesting concept - maybe if i had looked at my previous relationships through these lenses i would’ve been married by now - after all, i did enjoy their company. but we didn’t share the same goal… or our lives were headed in different directions… or what have you. i dunno… it just didn’t work out.
so here i am, hearing what gary has to say to me. if he’s right, and i’m getting more set in my ways, then that just means that it will be just that much harder to find the right match for me. and if i was that hard to please in my youth, you can imagine just how much harder it is to match me when i’m older. anyways, if he’s right, living alone in this apartment will be the reason why i will be single for the rest of my life. =)
Friday, November 11, 2005
the dance of life
so… last saturday night amanda, chris, and i went swing dancing for shelia’s 30th bday… and i was marveling at how the guys know how to lead and the ladies know how to follow their lead. to me, it’s amazing that two people who haven’t ever danced together before could dance in harmony together, depending on how well the guy could communicate his intentions through his actions as he led.
then again, last night, i went with jill and amanda to sevilla for salsa dance. we stopped by early for the quick lesson, and then at the end they told us to grab a partner and told the guy what to do to lead us and make us turn. then they turned on the music and set us loose. i was pleasantly surprised at how many guys were good leads there, since i consider myself a beginner, but they had me dancing at a more advanced level. it was pretty funny how every once in a while i’d flub it up totally and realize he wanted me to turn to the left and i was already headed to the right and my hands would fly out of their lead and i’d realize that i read it wrong. usually, when that happened, i’d laugh, and then ask them what it was they were trying to do. and then if they tried it again i would do the right thing… i guess i amazed some of them cuz then they told me that i learned quickly, and that i was good for a beginner. but i would have to give all the credit to them for being such a great lead, because they were able to pull me up to their level.
i made a comment before i went to sevilla’s - that when you go out there you see the old couple that are so fluid together you know they’ve been dancing together for years! i’ve always thought it’d be nice to have that kind of dance partner where you know each other so well that there would never be the misunderstandings like i had last night, but we’d be able to dance beautifully together on the floor complementing each other and moving in harmony with each other. and i guess… it made me think of that metaphor, ‘the dance of life’, and i realize that the give and take between two people is so similar to what you see out there on the dance floor. how lovely it must be to be an old married couple where you know what each other wants without having to verbalize it, but instead you’re able to move together in complete harmony because you’ve worked through all the misunderstandings when you were younger, and you’ve just gelled with the other person. but that’s something for later in life… it’d be nice, even at the stage of life i’m in right now, just to find the person who makes me dance at a better level, metaphorically speaking. just to be able to understand the pushes and pulls to move in harmony and learn what each other means by our actions…
Thursday, November 10, 2005
on his way out
last night i went to the pool club with rafa and juanito… it was sorta nice having something to do since i’m trying to stay away from gym night (my ankle is outta commission again!!), but mostly, i went just to hang out with rafa a li’l bit.
see, i read his post the other day, and i was wondering what that meant… and i knew i’d have to find out in person. it turns out he’s moving to oregon… go figure… i finally have some friends (kat) moving back to town, and now other ones are leaving. hmmm… how weird =/ anyways.... there wasn’t a big to-do about him leaving, no ‘i’ll miss you’ or anything else like that. i did ask if he was gonna have a going away shindig, which he isn’t, and i said we should hang out sometime again before he takes off… but that was about it. no fuss. i guess it’s just one of those things i’m getting used to - that my friends aren’t necessarily the people who live in the same town as me or who i will see in my weekly activities… but instead, my friends are those (who happen to be spread all over the world) who have helped me discover who i am.
even though we played many games (i won the first two and the last two, and played cutthroat and a few other games in between) it would seem we spent more time picking music on the jukebox and talking than actually playing. a li’l bit o’ life plans, a li’l bit o’ relationship talk, and of course, a li’l bit of rafalosophy. he thinks i was doggin’ him last time cuz of what i posted, but even tho i might tease him about his delivery style of jamming it down our throats, i still enjoy conversations like these with my friends. i like it when my friends theorize on the best way to live a full life, partly because i’m looking for them to share their wisdom, but also just because i know that they’re honest with me, and they’ll tell me exactly what they think of what i’m doing with my life, whether it’s good or bad. whether it’s late night roomie talks with kat, 2am phone calls with ching, the occasional visit with rafa, driving ‘round loma linda with alan, or weekends with merv, and emails/blog comments with several other close friends, i know that each of them has their own style of keeping me in check, and i do my part with them to keep ‘em honest to what they’ve told me they wanna be.
i guess this is the part of friendship that i’m talking about… the part where we stay friends through thick and through thin, where it’s not all fun and games and hanging out with each other, but tackling the larger issues of life, knowing that they’ve got my back. these are the people i can count on, no matter how long it’s been since i’ve seen any particular one of them.... they’re the ones i was talking about… the ones i said i get excited when i see that they’re calling me =) i’m willing to open my life up to them for scrutiny and harsh criticism, and yes, they can be WAY hard on me sometimes… no, i’m not talking about rafa last night, i’m just talking about my friends in general. when there are so many people in my life, why do i choose to open up to them? especially when i know they’ll give me their brutal honest opinion? i guess i could say i appreciate that they’re willing to spend the time and energy evaluating my situations and helping me think about what i’m doing, instead of letting me do whatever… and, even though it might be tough on me, there’s a sense of security i have knowing that while they might not approve of what i’m doing, they love me all the same. and we’ve weathered the storms together, and our friendship holds true.
what more could you want?